Tuesday, June 13, 2017

FIREWALKER (1986)

Tired as fuck Indiana Jones/buddy cop/ROMANCING THE STONE wannabe starring the zero-laughs-per-minute comedy stylings of Lou Gossett Jr. and Chuck Norris.  I like Chuck Norris and Lou Gossett Jr. individually (well, at least, their more popular stuff), but they make a lame duo here.

After a snoozer of an opening scene where an evil general ties them up in the desert (...and then drives away!), Lou and Chuck are approached by a mysterious woman in a bar.  She shows them a treasure map, then a dude with a crossbow attacks them and runs away.  Eventually, they travel south of the border in search for the lost gold.  Bad jokes and boring adventures ensue. 

FIREWALKER isn't a terrible movie, just really blah.  Like an extended length episode of some long forgotten 80's adventure TV series.  Cheap sets (the caves especially looked like shit), bad jokes, slow pace, zero adventure, zero tension, zero sex, zero character development, zero explanation of the title.

Outside of the drawing power of the two leads, I have no idea why the filmmakers thought that FIREWALKER would make any money...which probably explains why it disappeared from the theaters after just a few weeks. Skip it.
Lou moving his left leg before Chuck has untied it.